I remember my first encounter with a baby.
I was sitting on a couch and they handed me a squirmy bundle and told me I had a brother. I wasn’t too impressed but was fascinated nonetheless. Who knew that this annoying whiny little kiddo would grow up to be one of my best friends?
The next memorable moment was when a friend of ours placed their brand new precious little red-headed girl in my arms. I was 15 and I remember that moment of complete awe and thinking to myself for the first time that I wanted one of these someday. That little girl grew (and is still growing) and will always hold a special place in my heart as my little adopted sister~friend. I love you Moriah!
As I grew older, I watched my sister and close friends have baby after baby and I lavished my love on them, still hoping that one day God would allow me to be a wife and mother. As the years passed, I gave this dream to God and knew that His purpose would be revealed in time.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage… 😉
I will never forget the moment when we found out we were going to be parents. I woke up on a Thursday morning and because I hadn’t been feeling very well, went in and took a pregnancy test. Lo and behold, there were two pink lines. I sat on the edge of the tub and a myriad of emotions went through me… first shock, then joy, but also some trepidation. What if I wasn’t a good parent? Would Michael be excited? After all, we had just gotten married the month before! God gave me a peaceful heart and I traipsed in to wake up Michael and tell him the bewildering, but wonderful news. He was sitting on the bed, having just woken up and I walked up and stuck the test in his face and said “look at this!”. Poor guy! But he took the test from me, put his glasses on, studied it for a moment, looked at me and then said “two pink lines mean you aren’t pregnant?” Hah! I laughed and told him that we were indeed going to be parents. He was in shock for about an hour, but it was a happy shock.
I remember the first time we heard the heartbeat. It was actually like it finally processed that I had a real, live child in my womb and that he/she would be here in about seven and a half months.
I remember thinking I wanted a girl. I was very firm on that (although, it wasn’t like I was opposed to a boy, I just really wanted a girl). About a week before we were to find out the sex of the baby, I babysat two little munchkins, a boy and a girl. God changed my heart that night and I looked forward to the ultrasound with the knowledge that I would be excited no matter what; and I was.
I remember the process of deciding on a name. We knew we did not want to tell anyone the name. We wanted to call this child by name as soon as we could, and decided on the name “Hudson” very early on. Hudson means “One of Strong Rule”. We wanted our son to be a leader in a fallen world. We wanted our son to be a witness for Jesus and we prayed my entire pregnancy (and still do) that Hudson will grow to love Jesus and eventually make Him Lord of his life.
I remember waking up in the middle of the night feeling very strange and realizing that my water had broken. None of us were prepared for him coming that early. I remember laboring and Michael bouncing around the house saying “he is coming! My son is coming!” I think about how wonderful Laurie was to be there with me, comforting and encouraging. She was an amazing doula and I hope to have her there for another birth someday (if we are still in Texas at the time).
I remember laying on the bed during the last stretch of pushing. Hannah, Donnellyn, and Laurie were all joyfully coaching me and just being there for me. I will never forget how Michael sat on the bed next to me and encouraged me to push and keep going. Ever will I cherish the moment that I gave that last push, and Hudson entered the world. All our parents were on the speaker phone and asked what our baby’s name was. Michael told them his name was Hudson William, after two great men: Hudson Taylor and my amazing father, William. I remember looking down at Hudson and he really didn’t even cry. He just looked back at me with those big beautiful eyes!
Three weeks later…
I will never forget holding his lifeless, limp and gray body in my arms as I cried out to Jesus to help me. I will always remember the 911 operator telling me how to breathe life into his little body. I remember crying with joy when I heard his first little cry, albeit weak. It was the most wonderful cry ever! Maybe that is why it has never bothered me to hear him crying in the middle of the night. It was my great joy and pleasure to go to him and feed him or change his diaper, knowing how close we came to losing him. Those 10 1/2 days in the hospital were torturous as we almost lost him time and time again. We praise God for His mercy in allowing us to keep and safeguard Hudson’s precious little life. I try to never take him, or any life for granted.
So on this day, a year later, I just wanted to publicly share how the Lord has blessed us with this precious and special little guy. Hudson, you are always laughing, smiling, and jabbering. you are a sweet boy who doesn’t grab or pull. When I cry, you pat me like you are telling me it is all going to be okay. Nothing compares to the feeling of having you cuddle on my shoulder. You have taught your Daddy and I so many things, most of all sacrificial love. We love you and look forward to the coming years as we watch you grow. May you grow into a man who loves Jesus with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. May you be an example to everyone you meet as one who loves and treats others as you want to be treated.
“Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3 NAS